Ending to begin


By Rogers M. Wanambwa


I would like to thank y’all for sojourning with me on this incredible, heart opening, mind revealing journey that has been the #WinterABC2020.


I am humbled by the progress of quite many a writer I have seen, I am glad to have met many African writers in the process, and I am ecstatic for the future of writing on this continent.


As we come to the end of this journey, I pray that we keep up the spirit and not lay down our tools to wait for the next challenge. I believe with more opening up, we can achieve something with this thing that is writing.

After all, every religion is governed by writings, read the Holy Bible, Quran; every country too, read the constitution.


I am hoping that we do more collaborations together(I was blessed to do some and I am looking forward to more) with other writers that we’ve met here and see what magic we can come up with together.


I look forward to see some friendships bloom, after all, what is writing if it’s kept in isolation? I know many writers tend towards introvertedness, myself included, but perhaps through such spaces, we can find our kindred!


This journey again reminds me of the sermon by Bishop T. D Jakes I watched in 2014 called, “Miracles along the way.”


Perhaps I always see things differently but I have never come to the end of something and not felt so euphoric about the journey. It is within the journey that things happen, that the magic lies. It is within the journey that miracles happen.


I salute all of you for the resilience you’ve shown in writing your hearts out. Thank you. And I pray you continue to do so.


If I haven’t visited your site, holla and I’ll do!


Also:


1. I’m open to collaborations, just holla at your boy.
2. I am open to editorial and writing work, just holla at your boy.
3. I am an Accountant and open to that work too, just holla at your boy.

For those of you that follow my blog, we meet in July…I had promised to write about African queens and the place of the woman in African society, I’ll start from there.


Cheers to ending to begin.

The Lost Guide


By Rogers M. Wanambwa

#WinterABC2020

Part 1

In the wake of the 21st century, as everyone(both men and women) rushes out to get some work done for the day, and ultimately, to get paid so that they can fulfill their ‘children’s wishes’, the children themselves are practically left each to their own. And this has indeed created a series of problems unforeseen.


Of course with so many factors that have come into play, like men abandoning their responsibility of being fathers to their children, both parents working and having little time for their children, the children themselves being away from home for almost the whole year in boarding schools; all these and more contributing to the fact that children are in fact not having a guide! Let me expound:


Back then, children were the responsibility of the whole community. This meant that any elder in the community was responsible and expected to look out for the children of the community and even go further as to discipline them if he or she deemed it. That is no longer the case, one can be sued for even reproaching another’s child.

Then again, more and more people are building fences around themselves and living in gated communities where no one knows the other. And so, with the loss of communal based parenting and all the points I raised in paragraph two, children are basically lost in the grand scheme of events. Left to television and the increasing usage of the Internet. Both, not being the best way to incalcate good behavior and ethics into them.

In the US, a child on average spends over 10hours and 39minutes consuming some type of media. Interesting, this applies to grown ups as well. Basically, no one really gives others that much time outside working hours or school hours.


The average person spends more than 5 years of his or her life on social media, and the average teen spends 9 hours a day using social media. To appreciate the generational shift that is occurring, consider this: People older than 50 spend 50 hours a week watching television, but people between 25 and 34 watch a “mere” 26.5 hours a week.

They’re looking at smaller screens instead. Of course, Facebook now has over 2 billion users, with over 1 billion monthly users, even Instagram has over a billion monthly users. Twitter has over 330million subscribers. These figures do not cover the Chinese, who have their own version of Facebook(which also has almost a billion users).

These figures show a huge portion of people in the world are spending their life on social media more and more increasingly, and these figures have not covered Internet TV subscriptions like Netflix.

However, this just means people aren’t communicating to each other one on one. And most importantly, adults aren’t talking to their children, strangers are, surely, this can’t end well!


What I’m trying to put out here is that we’re leaving the next generation unattended to and this is going to cost us. We’re already feeling the effects from this current generation but it appears we’ve not really learn from our mistakes. Which mistake(s)? The mistake of thinking that someone else will parent our children for us and in the end, we’ll benefit from that.


A study for example, showed that breastfeeding a baby has many advantages like bonding with the mother, the breast milk itself has ingredients not found in any other assorted product or animal milk fed to children. Basically, animal milk lacks ingredients because their digestion system is different from ours. However, because of women working and not being able to go with their children to work, they have to resort to such measures.

Their working cannot be dealt away with because some are even single mothers or they bring the bigger bread(read income). What can be done here is to build better work facilities to accommodate breastfeeding mothers. This obviously may not work for women who just don’t want to breastfeed, those are a different case.


Also, many men no longer give time for their children to let them know what to expect from a man. This affects both girls and boys! Girls grow up and cannot get good men to marry(always going for the wrong type somehow) and boys don’t know what’s expected of them. 80% of prisoners in jail according to a study done in the US were found to have never seen their father or been left when they were young children.

Majority of these were black American. Another study found that many serial killers went through torture especially by their mothers in their childhood.


Most mass shooters that have been increasingly doing so, especially in the US were also found to have grown up with a single parent(normally a mother, absent fathers are a big problem).


All the above paragraphs are just a scratch on the problems that are arising from neglect of children, but there are many others like depression(by 2020, over 30million people will be suffering from depression and many will be succumbing to suicide in the millions to).

Lack of a moral compass is another huge problem that arises from leaving children to their own devices, literally. Children nowadays are so ill behaved and disrespectful that it is just absurd.


Basically, we can not bury our heads in the sand and pretend everything is fine with our children because the future is foggy with the way things are going.


Part 2


The Lost Guide(Is it too late save us?)


In an article I wrote titled: ‘The Male Crisis’ which is also featured on: The Male in the categories, I concentrated more on the men because I believe with all the efforts that are being put in to empower women, the men that who are supposed to be equals with these empowered women have been left behind.

You can read it too.

However, this article is in answer to the questions I raised yesterday about the lost guide(read absence of parents for their children) and I’ll suggest a few things I believe parents can do to ensure they have well rounded children. I’ll take the advice too when that time comes(laughs):


Some tips on how to do better parenting:


1. Boosting Your Child’s Self-Esteem:

How? Well, several things can be done here. Saying ‘good job’ alone does wonders to self esteem of your kids. You need to create an environment where children will thrive and this is through. Your tone of voice, your body language all matter when you are addressing your children.


2. Catch Kids Being Good:

Complimenting your children when they do what you approve of them is a good way to do this. Praising someone after all boosts their ego, this is no different for kids. Find things to compliment about them and especially in front of other people. Many people only point out the weaknesses of their children in front of other people which destroys their esteem too.


3. Set Limits and Be Consistent With Your Discipline:

This is important. You need to instill discipline and groom your children to be ethical people in life. Establishing house rules, setting time outs, and loss of privileges are all ways of instilling discipline.


4. Make Time for Your Kids:

This is imperative and you can not afford to give any excuse for not giving enough time to your own children. The consequences I have already mentioned them.


5. Be a Good Role Model:

It is rather unfortunate that more and more people are disregarding being good role models to their own children! Children mimick and learn all their behavior from the people around them as they grow; that’s you as a parent and the people you surround them with(this includes the house helps).


6. Make Communication a Priority:

Nowadays people would rather be on social media and out with their ‘friends’ than spend quality time with own children. You need to spend time with to build their self esteem, as earlier talked about and to listen to their ideas and advice accordingly. It is through these one on one times that you’ll even get to know what’s disturbing them, who is bullying them and the like. Communication helps you and your children to build trust in each other which is very crucial as time moves on.


7. Be Flexible and Willing to Adjust Your Parenting:

You need to be willing to adjust to new trends since this generation is facing very new things from earlier generations due to technology. There is a lot of exposure on the Internet and media in general. You can not use the same tactics of parenting your grand parents used on your parents or what your parents used on you entirely.


8. Show That Your Love Is Unconditional:

Love is key. This should sum up this rather long two piece article! As the greatest commandment given in the Bible, it actually solves a lot. Children need to feel loved and this will let them ‘flower’ to their best potential(unleash their best potential because of it).


9. Know Your Own Needs and Limitations as a Parent:

As a parent and as a person generally, you have your highlights and limitations and you have your needs too. Make sire you address your needs and find ways around your limitations so that you don’t let out your frustrations on your children.


Okay, after looking at all the above, I believe I can conclude this off. What’s important to note is that parenting is all about on job training. You keep learning as you do the job. Don’t stop improving.


Some of the tips were gotten from kidshealth.org

This two-part article appeared in the 100days-100blogs challenge last year. I felt it should be what I repost as we end this journey.

On ebooks vs paperbacks

This collection of books was posted on Facebook by Lecrae whose white friend collected it to acquaint themselves on matters black prejudice.

Isn’t it interesting especially for readers how you can get hundreds of books for free on your mobile device to read on the go?

*There are over 130 million published books online.

And furthermore for free?

For us readers, this is phenomenal!!

But the author of said book is kind of cheated out, wouldn’t you say?

How does the author benefit from this massive download of free books?

How is the author’s time and resources invested paid back to them?

As someone who loves to read and amass books(preferably for free😉) and also who plans on writing books, I find this worth a lot of thought.

More so, when the people on this continent do not have a high propensity to read in the first place!

Some honest questions need to be asked and answered.

Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

By Rogers M. Wanambwa

Have ever wondered why literature written by Africans is hard to find? I always do!

Anyway, Chimamanda’s style of writing is so captivating that when you start reading her work(s) like this one or her earlier books like Half of a Yellow Sun and Purple Hibiscus: A Novel, you may find yourself reading it in a few nights, like I did in two.


She brings to the surface quite a number of hard issues and topics and even some that are often overlooked.


Issues like how it is hard to fathom a wealthy African for many whites, “It was like a conjurer’s trick, the swift disappearance of his hostility. His face sank into a grin. She, too, was the help. The universe was once again arranged as it should be.” Ifemelu the main protagonist of the book marvels at a white cleaners response to her, a black person opening the door to a stately home.


Like the way African women will go to lengths to change their hair(and skin colour) and the fact that it is the society that has precipitated this.


Or how comparisons between Africans and African Americans are often misconstrued like in this paragraph where Ifemelu tells Laura one of the characters about one of her never ending comparisons, “Maybe when the African American’s father was not allowed to vote because he was black, the Ugandan’s father was running for parliament or studying at Oxford,” Ifemelu said.


“Ifemelu wanted, suddenly and desperately, to be from the country of people who gave and not those who received, to be one of those who had and could therefore bask in the grace of having given, to be among those who could afford copious pity and empathy.” Here the main protagonist is at loggerheads with going back to Africa and staying in the US, another factor many Africans that go abroad are faced with.
Chimamanda amazingly paints a broad about quite a number of other issues like love when factored into long distances, what is expected of those that go abroad when they finally return home and so, or how jobs are gotten and how it feels to realize that some of those you left behind are doing way better than you among other things.


An amazing read especially for this generation.

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